Gangster of Love and Peace
by Pacce
Summary: Sequel to "Some People Call Me A Space Cowboy". The Bebop crew pursue a killer onto Gunsmoke and enlist Vash and his friends in order to catch him. Wackiness ensues.


Some People Call Me the Gangster of Love . . . and Peace  
By ChibiMan (I'm full of tinnier men!)  
  
Back by popular demand. Trigun/Cowboy Bebop II the Wrath of Kurneko. In other words this is a sequel so leave and read "Some People Call Me A Space Cowboy" before ya' read this one. Again this is in Scree-er- I man script format because screenplays have camera angles and stuff and that would take about a bazillion pages and I don't think you want to spend hours reading about how the camera pans around the room. Although there will be some camera angle description and *Ah hell I'm wasting too much space on the author's note.  
Timeline Trigun: During the day between "Hang Fire" and "Flying Ship" (No red coat)  
Timeline Bebop: After "Jupiter Jazz" and way before "Hard Luck Woman" (Full Crew)  
Rated Pg-13: Nasty violence, nasty language, and nasty torture references  
Spoilers: Vash's body and past. Thas' about it.  
Disclaimer: Neither Trigun nor Cowboy Bebop belongs to me. There, I said it and I'd say it again if I had to!   
(Bipity): Actions while speaking, way of speaking, or author's notes  
[Bopity]: Thoughts  
BOO!  
  
Jet: How could you let him get away!?  
Jet, Spike, and Faye are on the bridge. Jet, bald master bounty hunter, is yelling at Spike and Faye while punching in coordinates into the computer. Spike, afro-ed master bounty hunter, has his head bandaged and he looks pissed. Faye, bitchy master bounty hunter, is smoking and looking bored.  
Spike: Like I said: I saw him attacking a girl and I pulled my gun on him, he bolted, I chased, I turn a corner and he's gone, sharp blow to the back of the head, and waking up in a doctor's office a few hors later followed by police questioning!  
Faye: If he knocked you out, why didn't he kill you?  
Spike: (Scowls at Faye) I guess he thought I had back up, LIKE I WAS SUPPOSED TOO!!  
Faye: (Shrugs)Or maybe he didn't like your "merchandise".  
Jet: (To Faye) And where the hell were you?! You were supposed to be watching the guy's ship!  
Faye: Hey, I placed the homing transmitter! I figured afro-boy didn't need me there to hold his hand through the catch!  
Jet: (To Spike) And so it took you the better part of a day to get back to The Bebop. (To Faye) And then it took us the better part of the next day to find out where you were hiding from the local bookies after gambling away all your money! At least you attached the transmitter, speaking of which. (Calls towards the rec. room) Ed, have you found that transmitter's signal yet?  
Ed, androgynous master hacker/bounty hunter, is in the rec. room typing furiously on her computer, Tomato, while wearing her Net goggles. Well, actually she has Ein, puppy master hacker/bounty hunter, in front of her computer and she is typing using Ein's front paws.  
Ed: (Sing-songy) ALMOST! (Typing more furiously) Peek-a-boo I see you! (Computer dings and goggles light up) ALRIGHT, GOT EM'!  
Jet: (Walks in trailed by the other two) Excellent work Edward, (glares back at Spike and Faye) it's nice to have someone who does the job they're supposed to around here! (Back to Ed) Now quick, what are the coordinates?  
Ed: (Inhales as if about to speak, but her goggles suddenly go dark) Oops. (Begins typing furiously again) *Growls* (Throws goggles off) GONE!! (Ein walks away)  
Jet: What do ya' mean gone!?  
Ed: Signal coming in then *poof* (Rolls over to Jet) Then it's all small then *poof* again.  
Spike: (Walks over Ed's computer) Maybe the computer's broken, I could just . . . (raises foot back in preparation to kick)  
Ed: NOOOO! (Dives in front of computer) Ed's computer is fine, (brings up a few other windows) see? (Spike lowers his foot)  
Faye: He probably just spotted your lousy transmitter Jet, and then he broke it.  
Jet: (Rubbing his temple) Could you at least give me his last coordinates before we lost the transmission, Ed.  
Ed: OKAY! (Brings up a window with a chart on it with a glowing point indicating the missing bounty's ship)  
Spike, Jet, Faye, and Ein all crowd around the computer.  
Jet: (Turns away in frustration) Great, it'll take at least another day to get all the way out there!  
Spike: This place looks kinda familiar . . .  
Faye: Hey, there's a wormhole right where he disappeared. Do you think he might have been stupid enough to go in there to hide?  
Spike: Jet take a look at this.  
Jet: . . . it can't be . . .  
Spike: It's the same wormhole. . .  
Jet: (Turns around to look back at the computer) No. . .  
Spike: Yes. We have to go back there Jet. Back . . . TO GUNSMOKE!  
Ed: . . . (Tilts head to side)  
Ein: *whimpers* (Tilts head to side)  
Faye: (Frustrated) What the hell are you two talking about!?  
Jet: (Heads for control room to set coordinates) We'll tell you on the way. It's a story full of quantum physics . . .  
Spike: (Groans) Miles of sand . . .  
Jet: (Expression softens) Insurance girls . . .  
Spike: (Smirks) And an outlaw named Vash the Stampede.  
* * *  
The Bebop is now moving through the wormhole. In the rec. room Jet and Spike just finished telling their story to Ed, Ein, and Faye.  
Faye: Sooo let me get this straight. You let a bounty worth sixty billion get away . . . because he was a nice guy!?  
Spike: Well, that and the fact that his bounty was only payable in double-dollars, a currency that can not be converted to wulongs.  
Jet: And the fact that he was basically unbeatable.  
Spike: WHAT DO YA' MEAN!? I HAD HIM RIGHT WHERE I WANTED HIM!!  
Faye: Your ship was downed in one shot, you were out gunned, and he beat you to a pulp. Yep, right where you wanted him . . .  
Spike: YOU WEREN'T EVEN THERE!  
Ed: (Coming between Spike and Faye) We're comin' out of the wormhole!  
The ship jerks as it enters the atmosphere.  
Jet: Ed, try to pick up the homing signal's trail.  
Ed goes to her computer and begins the thing with the keyboard and the thing.  
Spike: Well, anything?  
Ed: (Bends backwards to look at Spike) Uh-huh! A faint trail and (computer beeps) oh! (Looks at the monitor) Kaze wa Mirai ni Fuku . . . (Ein's ears perk up and he runs over and grabs on to the railing by the stairs in his puppy kind of way)  
Jet: Ohhh, Japanese again! Ed, will you just pick a language and stick to it, please!  
Spike: (Appears to be thinking) Lets see, um, the wind blows toward the future . . .   
Jet: The wind blows towards the future? What the hell does that mean!?  
Ed: (Looks at Jet and smiles) We're going to get hit from behind by a sandstorm Jet-Jet.  
The Bebop is smashed from behind by the huge sandstorm and it goes spiraling. Inside the crew is thrown about violently: Spike is trying to light a cigarette as he is thrown against the ceiling, Jet grabs onto a pipe only for it to come loose and smack him in the face, Faye is hurtled into the dazed Jet, Ein is holding on for dear life, and Ed is happily stuck in free fall as she holds on to her computer.  
Ed: (Singing) Bouncy, bouncy, woo-hoo!!  
-An Hour Later-  
The Bebop is lying upside down half buried in a dune. In the rec. room: Spike has crushed the ceiling fan, Jet is buried under an over turned couch which Faye is laying on, Ed is hanging upside down holding her computer and still smiling, and Ein is sticking out of Spike's afro.  
Spike: (Groans) Okay, everyone whose alive say "Ouch".  
Faye: Ouch.  
Jet: (Muffled) Ouch.  
Ed: (Laughing merrily) Ouchy-Ouchy-Ouch!  
Ein: Woof. (Subtitle: Ouch)  
Spike stands up and pulls Ein out of his hair and sets him down. The couch begins to stir and Faye jumps off as Jet rolls the couch to the side. Jet surveys the ship; long story short, not much is broken it's just a complete mess.  
Jet: Spike, tell me again how much this guy's worth.  
Spike: Ten point five million wulongs.  
Jet: I'm going to go see how much of this ship still works, Spike try and get the doors open, and Faye . . . (looks up) get Ed down and then meet me on the bridge.  
Jet heads toward the bridge while Spike heads for the hangar. Faye walks under Ed.  
Faye: Ed would you come down already?  
Ed looks at how high up she is and then shakes her head.  
Faye: (Opens her arms) I promise I'll catch you. (Ed still shakes her head) COME ON, WE NEED YOUR HELP TO FIND THAT BOUNTY-HEAD!!  
Ed: That reminds Ed, no one told Ed who the bounty is or what he did. Edward is curious!  
Faye: (Eye twitch) If I promise to tell you will you come down?  
Ed: OKAY!  
Faye: On the count of three: one . . . two . . .  
Jet: (Calling from the bridge) FAYE, STOP MESSING AROUND AND HELP US OUT HERE!  
While Faye is looking down the hall toward the bridge Tomato falls into Faye's arms and she looks up just in time to see Ed come crashing down on her head sending them both to the ground.  
Ed: (Sitting on Faye's stomach) THREE! (Faye knocks Ed off, stands up and dusts herself off.) Now tell Ed about the bounty!  
Faye: (Eye twitches as she looks at Ed) He's a robotics engineer who built robots for the military turned murderer, goes by the name Howard Ginsu. He claimed his machines couldn't see properly with mechanical eyes. So he started killing women and removing their eyes, he started with his assistant. They think he kills women because he's not that big of a guy. Although, (Gets in Ed's face) he especially likes to kill kids with golden eyes.  
Ed shrieks and runs off with her hands in front of her eyes. Faye smirks and walks away. Ed, still shrieking, runs into Spike and falls backwards.  
Spike: Hey what's the rush?  
Ed: (Panicked) Ed needs her eyes!! How can Ed net-dive without eyes!?  
Spike: Without eyes . . .? Oh, (Calls out) FAYE, DID YOU TRY TO SCARE ED BY TELLING HER ABOUT THE BOUNTY-HEAD?  
Faye: (Calling back) She landed on my head!!  
Spike: Ed, (Rubs temple) forget about what Faye said, the guy we're after is a twisted, but he goes after girls in their mid twenties. (Ed stops her sniffling) Now listen, the last time Jet and I were here we detected a running transmission between computers. Maybe you can use that to find a map or something and then cross-reference that with the tracker's trail and if that doesn't work listen to radio signals, maybe this guy's started killing again. Go outside and you should be able to pick up something. (Starts to walk away and then turns back around) With Swordfish, Hammerhead, and Red Tail all banged up we might need some help catching this guy, keep an eye out for any information about the current location of the infamous Humanoid Typhoon, Vash the Stampede.  
* * *  
Ed is a sitting on a rock with her net goggles on and she is scanning through trails of information on her computer.  
Ed: (While scanning) Let's see town and city populations, nah, global map, ooo save-save, news, open. (Scans news reports) Hmmm, here we go! (Report titled: "Mutilation Murderer Kills Two in Mai city. Eyes not found."  
Ed shutters while she saves the report. As the suns start to set Ed picks a radio signal.  
Radio DJ: The shoot-out which started late this afternoon was brought to a safe conclusion after one swift charge of the Calvary. The twelve idiots who were held hostage, myself included, were freed. For an incident involving the Humanoid Typhoon, the damage wasn't that bad. The day after tomorrow a real typhoon comes to town, be very, very careful boys and girls!  
Tomato: Signal origin: (Beeps) New Oregon approximately two miles west of present location.  
Ed: (Throws off goggles and rolls backwards happily) Yay! Bounty and Vash-man found!!  
When Ed straightens up she looks off in the distance and sees a blonde boy in full cowboy garb looking through binoculars. Ed gets up, puts tomato on her head, and runs over and when she's about twenty feet from him she starts to sneak quietly.  
Boy: (grumbling in a deep voice) The guy sure got himself banged up for nothing . . .   
Ed: (Loudly right next to him) What cha' lookin' at?!  
Boy: (Jumps in surprise) Where did you come from!?  
Ed: Somewhere that's not here, now what were you lookin' at!?  
Boy: (Obviously confused, goes into a softer voice) Well, I'm not supposed to tell anyone.  
Ed: (Bats eyes) Pleeeeeease?  
The boy, obviously confused, hands her the binoculars and points her in the right direction.  
Ed: Hmmm . . . guy with big blonde spiky hair and girl with short purple hair. Oh, now she's hitting him. Hey, there's a really tall girl over there too. IT'S THEM!!! (Ed throws the binoculars in the air and the boy quickly catches them. Ed then glomps the boy who looks very upset.) THANK YOU LITTLE BLONDE BOY!! NOW, ED HAS FOUND HER FRIEND'S FRIEND-FRIEND!!  
Ed lets go of the boy and starts to run toward the not-so-distant cliff where she saw Vash (Finally in the story) and Meryl sitting. The boy, appearing confused and angry pulls out a six shooter and aims at Ed. Shortly after she started running Ed stops and looks back at the boy who quickly puts his gun away.  
Ed: Boy, what's the name you call yourself? And tell Ed in that cute deep voice you do!  
Boy: [(Echoing) cute.] (Deep voice) Um, it's Zazie. Zazie the Beast.  
Ed: (Runs over and shakes his hand) I'm Edward Wong Hau Pepelu Tirvrusky the fourth, most persons call Edward Ed. Pleased to meet you Zazie the Beast.  
Edward hugs Zazie again and then runs off towards the cliff leaving behind a confused Zazie. Zazie twitches the instrument by his ear to call a Sandworm.  
Zazie: (Shaking his head) I just don't get girls . . .  
A Sandworm bursts out in front of Zazie and he grabs on to its side and climbs on its back to ride off into the sunset.  
* * *  
The Bebop's engines are firing on low. Spike's watching the engines and signaling to Faye who is signaling to Jet whose trying to work console upside down. The ship pulls out of the dune and rights itself sending Jet crashing down on the console. Jet pulls himself up and then lands the ship properly.  
Spike: (Lights a cigarette) That's finally done . . .  
Jet: (Coming down the exit ramp) Yeah now we can work on straightening up the inside.  
Faye: Come on we've spent hours just getting this bucket turned right wise. Can't we clean it up after we've caught our bounty. It's not like we're expecting company or anything!  
Spike: (Shushing Faye) I think I hear someone coming.  
Distant whiny voice: Could you at least tell us where we're going?  
Ed's voice: To see people you know!  
D.W.V.: That doesn't narrow it down much . . .  
Distant priestly voice: Chill out ya' spiky headed wimp. We're following a kid who says they know some people who need our help.  
Distant bitchy voice: Yeah, it's not like chasing after some kids ever got you in trouble before.  
D.P.V.: Hey, back then a little girl needed help and now we're needed by a little . . . girl?  
Ed's voice: Uh-huh!  
Distant bubbly voice: Is there going to food where we're going? I haven't eaten all day!  
Ed: (Coming over dune, sing-songy) WE'RE HERE!!  
Vash, decked out in his drab cowboy garb and still bruised (but healing) from his beating earlier in the day, comes over the dune and freezes when he sees Spike and the Bebop.  
Meryl: (Coming over the dune with Millie) What did you stop for, you spiky headed dork!?  
Millie: Oh my gosh, Meryl look!  
Spike: Are you two still going at it?  
Meryl: (Shocked) It's you!?  
Spike: I swear, you two argue worse than most married couples.  
Wolfwood: (Real friendly and clowny as usual comes over the dune) Hey, what's gong up there . . .(Stares in shock at The Bebop. His cigarette falls from his mouth and he jumps back) What the hell is that thing!?!?!?!?  
Vash: (Walks over to Wolfwood and slaps him on the back and gestures towards Spike) Nicholas D. Wolfwood, meet Spike Spiegel. (Wolfwood, still dazed, and Spike shake hands) And that bald guy over there by that hunk of tin is his partner Jet Black. I don't know the two girls or the dog.  
Millie: Puppy!! (Runs over to Ein and starts playing with him)  
Spike: Oh yeah, we got some additions to the crew. The girl over there is Faye Valentine, gambler extraordinar (Faye smiles at Vash). The kid who brought you here is Ed, hacker extraordinar (Ed salutes). The little fur-ball is Ein, puppy extraordinar (Ein barks).  
Wolfwood: (Still confused and speaking out of the corner of his mouth to Vash) Who the hell are these people?! And more importantly what the hell is that piece of shit!?  
Jet: That "piece of shit", as you so eloquently put it, is my ship, The Bebop.  
Spike: As for us, we're bounty hunters.  
In about two seconds Wolfwood has unwrapped his Cross and put it in machine gun mode. Faye spits out her cigarette and throws her hands up, Ed jumps behind a rock and pulls Ein behind it too, Millie jumps behind the rock with Ed, Meryl jumps back stumbles over feet and goes tumbling down the dune, and Jet and Spike draw pistols and aim at Wolfwood.  
Vash: (Jumping in front of Wolfwood's cross waving his arms) WHOA! Okay, now I think we just had a bit of a misunderstanding. (Turns to the bounty hunters) Spike, Jet, put away your guns; Wolfwood's a little jumpy. (Turns back to Wolfwood) Now Wolfwood, put down the gun. It's okay, these guys are my friends. (Wolfwood points his Cross downwards)  
Wolfwood: Okay, explain.  
Millie: (Gets up from behind the rock and goes charging down the dune) Meryl, are you okay!?  
* * *  
The whole gang is in the Bebop rec. room: Vash is sitting in the middle of the couch between Spike and Jet, Wolfwood is sitting in the chair across form the three listening to them tell their story, Meryl is leaning against the wall, Faye is sitting on the stairs, Millie and Ed are sitting on the floor playing patty-cake, and Ein is watching from upstairs.  
Spike: (Finishing up to Wolfwood) And that's the story.  
Wolfwood: (Rubbing his temple and smoking) Okay, so you guys are intergalactic bounty hunters from another dimension who came here through a wormhole years ago to get the bounty on needle-noggin over there, but you decided against capturing him for fear of permanent injury.  
Spike: Well, not exactly . . .  
Wolfwood: (Continuing) And now you have chased a bounty through the same wormhole and since you damaged your ships in the process you'll need our help in catching a bloodthirsty madman with robots at his disposal.  
Faye: That's about the size of it.  
Wolfwood: And why do you think we'll be any good to you?  
Spike: Well, don't you guys wander around the world stopping bad guys or whatever anyway.  
Meryl: Not really. Usually we're just travelling around trying to stay out of trouble until he (gesturing to Vash) pokes his spiky head into someone else's problems.  
Vash: (Defensive) Hey, I'm just trying to help!  
Meryl: And in "helping" you almost always make things much worse!  
Vash: At least the situation gets resolved once I get involved!  
Meryl: (Gets in his face) Yeah, after we have to bail you out of trouble!  
Vash: I never needed help!  
Meryl: Except all those times you had fifty guns pointed at you from two feel away!!  
Spike: (Separating the two) Do you two ever stop!?  
Millie: Uh-uh!  
Jet: (Getting a headache) Listen, are you people gonna help us or not!?  
Millie: (Almost sniffling) You didn't have to yell at me . . .  
Jet: (Blushing) Oh, I didn't mean to yell it's just that we really need to catch this guy before he hurts more people.  
Faye: (Walks over and whispers to Spike) Since when is Jet sensitive?  
Spike: (Whispering back to Faye) He's got a thing for the tall one.  
Wolfwood, whom was listening to Spike and Faye, raises an eyebrow and then shoots a deadly glance at Jet.  
Vash: (Stands up) Okay, I'm in. If this guy is killing people then I will do what I can to stop him.  
Meryl: (Shrugs) It's my job to follow Vash, so I'm stuck with him.  
Millie: (Smiles) And it's my job to keep Meryl and Mr. Vash from committing double homicide so I'm with you. (Looks at Wolfwood) And will you be helping us Mr. Priest? Pretty please?  
Wolfwood: (Scratches his head and looks uncomfortable) Um, sure. I'm in!  
Faye: Okay, now that we've got the natives to cooperate, does anyone have a plan to catch this guy.  
Spike: And hopefully it's something better than "walk around and hope to bump into him", that didn't work too well last time. . .  
Jet: I do have a plan, (smirks) we're going fishing.  
All: Huh?  
Jet: I'll explain later, but first we need to head out to May city.  
Vash: Um, if we start this thing tomorrow will we be back by the next day. I kinda have an important engagement . . .  
Jet: I don't see why not, but why not just go ahead and start now?  
Vash: (whining) I'm pooped, I haven't slept in about thirty hours!  
Faye: (To Spike) This is the guy that kicked you butt?  
Spike: Shut up!  
Wolfwood: Hey I'd really like to see the rest of this bucket of bolts. (Looks over to Jet whose talking to Meryl and Millie.)  
Jet: Ya' know, we're a little short on rooms, um, if you like you two can have mine.  
Millie: (Smiling) Gee, how kind.  
Wolfwood: (Grabbing Jet's arm with a lovely anger mark) How about showing me around? This is, after all, your ship.  
Jet: (Being pulled) But I . . . Okay, okay, quit shoving!  
Jet and Wolfwood exit via the stairs and go off to tour the ship while Meryl and Millie play with the oh-so-adorable Ein and Ed mimicking Ein.  
Spike: (Looking at Vash) You know, you really look hell. Where'd your flashy outfit go.  
Vash: (Shrugs) It got tore up a couple of years ago, as for me I got smashed up a few hours ago. (Laughs)  
Spike: You can use our shower if you like, you might feel better.  
Ed: (Jumping over the couch) I'll show you where it is.  
Vash: Uh, thanx.  
Ed: (Grabs his hand and jerks him off the couch.) Follow me Tongari!  
Vash: (While being pulled) Tongari? (Smiles) I like the sound of that, it's better than what some of my other friends call me.  
Ed: (Happily) It means Needle Noggin!  
Vash grimaces and sweat-drops while Meryl laughs at him. Faye watches Vash being led out of the room.  
Faye: (Lies down on the couch) [You know, he wasn't half-bad looking] (She grins to herself)  
* * *  
Silhouette of Vash behind the shower curtain, he is singing (guess what song!) and generally being "showery". Faye is hiding behind the counter and listening to him sing and trying to peak through the curtain.  
Vash: SOOOOO, on the first evening a pebble, from somewhere out of nowhere, drops upon the dreamy world!  
Faye: (Moving her head to the rhythm) [Wow, he's even a good singer. Song's a little repetitive though . . .]  
-Four Verses Later-  
Faye: (Anger-mark) [Damn it, how much more are these damn "Children of the pebble" gonna do!?] (Vash, enters the sixth verse) [Oh, that does it!!] (She gets up and walks over to the curtain and pulls it open) WOULD YOU KNOCK IT OFF WITH THE SINGING, PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO S (Looks at Vash) . . . leep.  
* * *  
Spike's room, Spike is reading a biography on Bruce Lee. When he hears Faye screaming. Spike quickly grabs his gun and goes running to the origin of the shrieking. In Jet's room, Meryl and Millie are listening to loud pop music while Ed waltzes with Ein. In the storage room, Wolfwood is scratching his head trying to figure out where the hell he is. In the rec. room, Jet is almost asleep on the couch when Faye's scream stirs him; he listens for a second to determine that it's Faye screaming, shrugs, rolls over, and puts a pillow over his head.  
Spike: (Banging on the bathroom door) What happened?! Faye!? (The door opens and Spike backs up as Faye walks out, pale, eyes wide open, and a blank look on her face) Faye . . ?  
Faye: (Stares through Spike) Me-me-me-me . . .  
Spike: What is it Faye?  
Faye: METAL GRATING!!!!! (She covers her mouth as if she's about to wretch and runs off)  
Spike is standing there scratching his head when Vash comes out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waste and looking like his usual chewed beef-jerky self. Vash sees Spike and freezes.  
Spike: (Looking at Vash) What's her problem?  
Vash: (Looks at his heavily scarred form then back at Spike) I have no idea.  
* * *  
Bedtime on the Bebop; Meryl and Millie are sound asleep in Jet's room even though Millie is using Meryl as a teddy bear, Wolfwood is asleep in Ed and Ein's room and holding on to his Cross, Faye is asleep in here own room and Ein is sleeping on her stomach while Ed is using Faye's legs as a pillow, Jet is asleep on the couch with the pillow still over his head, Spike is in bed with a book over his face and Vash is lying on Spike's floor staring up at the ceiling.  
Vash: (Groans unhappily)  
Spike: What's the matter with you?  
Vash: (Surprised for a moment) Why are you still awake.  
Spike: (Taking the book of his face) Bad few months . . .  
Vash: Bad century. . . You go first.  
Spike: Well, remember the guy I told you about last time? The blonde guy?  
Vash: The one that took your girl?  
Spike: Yeah, well he and I used to be friends and we worked in this crime syndicate for years. Well I ended up falling for his girl, Julia, which of course put some tension between me and Vicious . . .  
Vash: His name's Vicious!?  
Spike: Moving on, I decide to take the girl and leave the syndicate behind, he gets pissed. The girl disappears and I get shot up a plenty. That was four years ago, in the past couple months I've seen Vicious twice now.  
Vash: How'd that go?  
Spike: I got shot, stabbed and thrown out a church window.  
Vash: Ouch.  
Spike: And that was just the first time, on the bright side, I left a grenade behind me when I was thrown out the window, so I'm sure he had a bad day too. The second time I got off with no real injuries although one of my old friends died taking a bullet for Vicious and then of Julia's friends was killed by Vicious shooting a missile at him. (Vash sniffles) Now your turn.  
Vash: (Wipes a tear from his eye) After an incident I got my memory back and my "blonde guy with a strange first name" turns out to be my brother, Knives. We had disagreeing viewpoints on people and he decided to start a mass genocide starting with the people who raised us. Years go by and when he decides to start killing again I shoot him and he gets a little bitter about it. We met up again after he kills the only relative of the woman who raised me and then he blows my arm off and activates a weapon of mine. Long story short, a whole city is obliterated and all one million residents eventually die.  
Spike: . . .  
Vash: (Laughs a sad laugh) It gets better, now Knives is back and is sending these horrible thugs after me who kill everything around them and I was again forced to destroy a city by a guy who can control minds. After that, I tried to forget it all and go into hiding, Knives then decided to start wiping out whole populations until I was turned up and here we are.  
Spike: (Long pause) . . . Well, you win.  
Vash: Great . . .  
-The Next Evening in Mei City-  
Meryl is walking rather down the street, looking a tad tipsy.  
Meryl: (Muttering under her breath) Oh god, why am I doing this again.  
Her voice can be heard coming out of Vash's earing as he looks down at her from the rooftops wearing the Bebop crew's infrared specs (Heat goggles remember this, it's sort of important). Wolfwood is laying next to Vash with his Cross in machine gun mode, with a new sniper scope planted on the side.  
Vash: Listen, the plan's simple: you wander the streets looking vulnerable to draw the killer, with the curfew in this town you should be the only one on the streets making you an inviting target. When we see this guy Wolfwood will tag him with his gun and Jet will come from the nearby bar to help you apprehend him, and should he escape to his ship Spike, Millie, and Faye are on the Bebop ready to pick us up and fly .  
Meryl: (Clenching her teeth) Why do I have to be the bait?!  
Vash: Millie's too intimidating in stature, Ed's too young, and he might know Faye through her reputation.  
Jet: (In the bar looking out the window, speaking in to a mini-transmitter) Just don't panic if he grabs you, Wolfwood should be able to blast him to the ground with little trouble. Besides he doesn't kill his victims until he gets to his ship.  
Meryl: Greeeeeat.  
Wolfwood: Don't worry my bullets always find their mark.  
Spike: (Over radio) Just remember not to kill him or else we don't get paid!  
Wolfwood: (Grumbling) Yeah, yeah, don't kill the guy, I got it! [Like Vash would let me even try!!]  
-Two Hours Later-  
Meryl: (About dead on her feet) [Is this guy ever going to show up!?!?]  
Spike and Faye are sitting around Ed and her computer, which shows Meryl's position, playing rock-paper-scissor; Millie is asleep on the couch. Jet looks bored as he spins his glass around on his table. Wolfwood has a small pile of cigarettes around him and a ring around his eye from having his face pressed up against the sniper scope. Vash on the other hand is standing rigid as he was hours ago. Wolfwood peers at him closely.  
Vash: . . . .ZzZzZz  
Wolfwood: HEY VASH!!  
Vash: (Snapping) I'M NOT A LIGHTBULB!! I mean, yes?  
Meryl: (Over earring radio) Oh god, tell me he wasn't asleep! Vash, you'd better pay attention. I'm on the line here and I'm counting on you two lunkheads. (Thumping noise) Ugh!  
Vash quickly snaps to attention and looks to see Meryl being draped over someone's shoulder.  
Vash: WOLFWOOD, IT'S HIM!  
Wolfwood: (Looking through his scope only sees Meryl being apparently tossed around) WHERE!?  
Vash: He's carrying her, don't you see him!?  
Jet: (Over radio, he's running) Shit, he's somehow bending the light around him to make himself invisible! (God that's cliché', oh well I couldn't let this end to easily so bear with it. Remember mad SCIENTIST. Back to the action.)  
Vash sees Jet running up to the doctor, whom throws Meryl to the ground. Jet now unable to see the doc swings blindly. The doc gets behind Jet (Vash: LOOK OUT!) and double hand smashes Jet from behind, knocking him to the ground. When the doc picks up Meryl, Wolfwood starts shooting around Meryl.  
Vash: (Pushes the barrel of Wolfwood's gun up) You'll hit Meryl!  
Wolfwood: Well what do you suggest I do!?  
As if on cue the Bebop arrives over head with the ramp down and Spike inside the doorway.  
Spike: Come on! After we pick up Jet we can chase him down on his way to his ship!  
* * *  
Everyone's assembled on the bridge. Jet's piloting the ship and the rest are gathered around Ed's computer shouting directions for Jet to go.  
Jet: (Turns around) Calm down! Listen, he can't have parked his ship near the town so we have time!!  
Wolfwood: (Points forward) Not unless he buried his ship in the sand.  
The others look up to see the doc's ship pull out from the sand and take off full speed. The Bebop follows close behind, but as the make it out to space something dawns on Jet.  
Jet: With Hammerhead and the other ships incapacitated, how are we gonna stop him? This ship has no weapons.  
Millie: But Meryl's out there. We've got to save her. There has to be a way!  
Jet: . . .  
Spike: (Snaps to attention) There is, follow me! (Is walking towards the hangar) We have a few suits onboard (Gesture's to the two red suits, which belong to him and Faye, and Jet's black suit). If we get close enough we can board his ship.  
Vash: I'm going.  
Wolfwood: Me too!  
Spike: But you two have no experience operating in space. If you screw up you'll be hurtled to the other side of the galaxy.  
Vash: (Looks serious) Meryl's my friend, I will rescue her.  
Wolfwood: I'm not having her haunting me 'cause I screwed up.  
Spike: . . . Okay.  
Vash: I call dibs on the red suit.  
* * *  
Vash and Wolfwood are suited (Vash in Spike's and Wolfwood in Jet's) up in the hanger and Spike is giving them some last minute instructions over the intercom.  
Spike: Wolfwood, use your machine gun as your propellent and brakes. And remember to be careful, you guys come in too hard and you're dead. Preparing to open the hanger.  
Millie: (Comes running in suited up with Faye's suit *The suits can adjust to fit the wearer* and carrying her stungun) I'm coming too!  
Wolfwood: No way!  
Spike: Too late for an argument now.   
The hanger opens and Vash and Millie grab on to Wolfwood as they are sucked out. The three float out from the ship a bit and Wolfwood aims his gun and fires off a burst to get them moving. He fires a few more shots to get them heading for the ship. He then fires off a few more bursts at the ship itself to slow down. When the bullets connect some lights activate on the surface of the ship.  
Vash: (Landing and activating the magnets on his suit) What's going on?  
Six hatches opens and out pop six humanoid (heh-heh) robots with real eyes and gattling guns on their right arms. Vash pulls out his gun from his suit's holster and Millie aims her stungun.  
Wolfwood: (Slams his Cross into the ship) [Not again!] Didn't read about them on the brochure. (Opens an arm on the Cross and pulls out two large handguns.)  
Robot: (Female voice)You have been registered as a target, you have three seconds to leave. One . . . Two . . .(It's head is blown off by a blast from Vash's gun.)  
Vash: Three.  
(Obligatory huge-fight-scene-time, woo-hoo!) The other five robots start firing on the trio while running at them; Vash swivels his torso to avoid the incoming fire, Millie jumps behind a structure, and Wolfwood crouches and fires a volley of bullets at two the robots causing them to explode. Vash blasts two of the robot's legs off, sending them flying out in to space. As Vash reloads the last robot comes up behind him. Millie comes out from behind the structure and blasts the top half of the bot off with her stungun. Wolfwood: (Well that was easy) Eight more hatches open revealing robots . . . equipped with two gattling guns each. Vash pushes Millie behind the structure and then deactivates his magnets. Vash fires his gun behind him to send himself forward and he kicks one of the robots in the chest sending it flying in to two others and the three of them crash into a structure and explode. Vash lands back on the ship and looks to see Wolfwood and Millie's plan of "shoot them until they stop moving" seems to be working, except for the fact that more hatches are opening.  
Millie: More of them!?  
Wolfwood: (Grabs his Cross and presses himself again a structure) We do not have time for this shit!! (Fires a rocket from the head of the Cross into the center of the robots blowing a nice sized hole in the ship.)  
Vash: All right, we've got a way in!  
The three of them enter the ship and after passing through the first door they find themselves in a rather long and divided series of three corridors.  
Vash: How are we going to find her in time?!  
A high pitched scream is heard down the right hall.  
Wolfwood: Follow the scream, quick!! I don't think we have a lot of time.  
The three of them run down the hall at top speed as another scream is emitted. At the end of the hall is a large door . . . and fifteen robots. (Vash: OUT OF MY WAY!) Without even stopping the three unload everything they got leaving a mess of scrap coating the walls.  
Vash: Wolfwood, open the door!  
Wolfwood: (Aiming the rocket end) I'm on it!  
The door is blown open by the rocket and the three are temporarily blinded. Another scream is heard . . . as the doctor runs out looking battered and holding his groin.  
Ginsu: (Squeaky voice) KEEP HER AWAY FROM ME!!  
Meryl: (Walking out looking pissed) Get back here you little sicko, I thought you liked playing with girls!  
Millie: (Running over to Meryl) YOU'RE OKAY!!   
Ginsu: (Running up to Vash) Hurry up and take me in, she's crazy!!  
Vash looks very Diablo eyed and pissed as he looks at the doctor. Vash smacks him with the barrel of his pistol, knocking a few teeth out, slams him in the stomach, and pistol whips him sending him to the floor. Everyone looks at Vash, stunned.  
Wolfwood: (Surprised) Damn Vash! Wasn't that a bit harsh for you.  
Vash: (Gritting his teeth a bit) I got mad, okay! I thought about the stuff this guy did and the possibility that he could've done it to Meryl and . . . I just lost it a bit. But I'm okay, now. (Smiles at Meryl) I should've known you could take care of yourself. (Meryl smiles back.)  
Ginsu: (Chuckles on the floor) You seem to think it's so easy to defeat me. THINK AGAIN!!  
The doctor pushes a button on his watch and in the lab a very large door opens. And from the darkness out steps A TWENTY FOOT TALL ROBOT WITH TWO LARGE GATTLING-GUN-ARMS AND BENEATH THEM A SET OF PINCER ARMS!!! *The Horror*  
Wolfwood: (Looks at Vash) I hate you.  
* * *  
Back on Bebop Spike, Jet, Faye, Ed, and Ein are sitting around the comm waiting. Ed and Ein are having a staring contest.  
Faye: Soooo, I'll bet ten-to-one they're all diced by now.  
Jet casually flips Faye off so Ed can't see.  
Spike: I'll take that bet, two hundred for them to have caught him by now.   
Faye: (Shrugs) You're money.  
Spike: (Smirks) You don't know Vash, like I do.  
The console beeps and Jet switches the monitor on. Vash and Wolfwood are standing over a pile of scrap and Meryl and Millie each have a foot on the bound and gagged doctor. Faye's eyebrow twitches.  
-Just Before Sunrise Outside of New Oregon-  
The Bebop is hovering above the cliff that Vash, Wolfwood, Meryl, Millie, and a black cat are on, the Bebop crew is standing on the ship waving to them.  
Faye: Thanks for your help [And making me lose two hundred], you did great with that bounty head. Maybe you'd like a change in profession.  
Meryl: (Laughs) No way! We find enough trouble without looking for it.  
Wolfwood: (Merrily smoking) It was a pleasure meeting you all and nearly getting killed out in space!  
Ed: BYE-BYE NICE PEOPLE!!  
Ein: Woof!  
Millie: Take care! Visit again soon!  
Jet: We just might do that. Hold on to that transmitter so we don't have to hunt you down next time!  
Spike: You be careful now Vash, we still have a score to settle!  
Vash: And you be careful too. Oh, and take it easy on the bounties, okay!  
Spike: (As they all head in to the ship) I'll try, but I'm not exactly the delicate, cautious type.  
Jet: (As the door closes behind him) Oh . . .  
Ed: What's wrong Jet-man?  
Jet: I turn my back for two years and she goes and finds a boyfriend . . .  
Ed: (Rolling down the hall) It's always better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all.  
Faye: Wait, do you mean the tall girl and the priest?  
Jet: Yeah, it was obvious they had a thing going.  
Faye: I personally thought the blonde guy was with the priest.  
Spike: I don't know about that, but I always thought Vash and Meryl had this whole love-hate thing going on.  
Ed: But aren't you and Vash all yaoi-like? (Spike looks shocked, Ed smiles.) I mean you two did share a room for the night and you always seemed quite happy to see him.  
Spike: (Stuttering some unintelligible thing with the word "Julia" popping up every now and again.)  
Ein: (Walks away from the group) [Why must I be surrounded by freaking idiots!?]  
* * *  
Wolfwood: (Watching the ship fly away, lights up a cigarette) Vash, you have the weirdest friends.  
Meryl: (Eyes Wolfwood) That's for damn sure.  
Millie: That was such a cute puppy, I miss him already.  
Kuroneko Sama: Nyao!? (Subtitle: What am I chopped liver!?)  
Millie: (Notices Kurneko for the first time and picks her up) KITTY!  
Vash: (Starts to walk toward the town, whiny) Can we go back to our hotel now? I need sleep before tomorrow! [I can't believe I put them all in so much danger, Meryl could've been killed. I can't risk any of them again.]  
As Vash, Meryl, and Millie carrying Kurneko head into town Wolfwood stays right where he is.  
Meryl: Mr. Wolfwood, come on!  
Wolfwood: NO WAY!  
Vash: Huh?  
Wolfwood: This is it, I'm done, I quit!!  
Millie: What are you talking about?  
Wolfwood: Since I met you, Vash, I've been chased by giant robots, shot at by over two hundred bandits, chased by town's people, watched a hole burned into the fifth moon, (Vash: Wait, you were there!?) beat up by women, and just now I was again chased by a bunch of giant robots except this time I was IN SPACE!! I'M NOT GOING ANOTHER STEP WITH YOU!!  
Millie: (Worried) But what about the typhoon?  
Wolfwood: (Slams his Cross into the rocks and straps himself to the Cross) I'M NOT MOVING!! I'd rather risk this typhoon than (points to Vash) that typhoon!  
Vash: It's your call. Come on Millie.  
Vash, the girls, and the cat in tow resume walking in to town as the wind starts to pick up.  
Wolfwood: Well I got a long day ahead of me, now where's my canteen? (Looks around and sees it on the ground. He reaches for it, but his hand comes just inches short of it. He tries to pull his Cross forward, but it's wedged tightly in the rocks.) SHIT!! Hey guys, could I get some help over here!? (They keep walking, oblivious to his predicament) HEY!! MILLIE! MERYL! VASH!!! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!   
  
Well that was certainly a long one!! Long on humor, short on action, but happy endings abound! Which is kind of sad a thing 'cause in the next fic. the survivors of each respective anime meet up to reminisce. Angst a-hoy in the third and final part of the Trigun/Cowboy Bebop crossover: "Requiem for a Couple of Smokers and Jokers". You won't want to miss it!  
P.S. The "May, Mei, Mai" thing was intentional. 


End file.
